My Oxford Dream

I am not sure if this posts is able to inspire how many people out there, but if you, who is reading this, is someone like me, i.e. a dreamer, I hope that after reading this post, I am able to inspire you to pursue your dream further.

I am not a girl who is born with a silverspoon, nor am I a girl who is taught to chase my dream since young. Like any typical middle class (or even lower middle class) Malaysian, my family could not afford spending money on my tertiary education, be it in a local or oversea university. 

But in 2 months' time, I will be stepping back into the UK, pursuing my postgraduate in Oxford. At the same time, I am currently a practitioner in one of the prominent law firms in Malaysia, Wong & Partners. The question, of course, is how did I manage to reach this far despite of my humble beginning? 

Girl - vs - Boy

Being born into a typical traditional chinese family, I remember that even when I was a kid, I was treated differently from my brother, who is the son of the family, simply because, the traditional thinking back in those days was that the son is the one who carries the surname of the family. Daughters, on the other hand, are the ones who will leave the family. In other words, we are liabilities. Of course, my parents, albeit are very traditional, they still love us as much as they could, eventhough subconsciously, I know that, they treat my brother as a more precious gem in the family. 

I guess, under this type of circumstances, some women chose to accept their fates, whilst some, like me, chose to prove the adults wrong. I am lucky to inherit the smart genes from my parents (eventhough their education level is up to secondary level only) therefore, since young, I always excel in my studies. Consequentially, despite of the traditional thinking they had back then, the idea that chinese always emphasise on the smarter kids in the house, helped me to navigate my path much smoother. 

The idea is, despite of the hurdles, never focus on the limitations that were imposed on you, instead, play to your strength. 

Financial limitation

As what I have said earlier, my family could not afford my tertiary education. The options available to me back then were either scholarships or PTPTN. 

When my SPM result was out, instead of busy applying for scholarships, I was staying in Sarawak (without much communication with the outer world), serving my national service duty. I had fun with M16 (a long rifle), and had so much good moments interacting with people from every part of Malaysia. Of course, the price that I had to pay was that I missed all the scholarship applications deadlines. I was very devastated when I found out that I was no longer eligible for any oversea scholarship when I was back. But, as one who never give up, I continued with my A level under Advance Tertiary College (under a scholarship), whilst hoping that I can secure straight A's for my A level so that I can apply for a scholarship at a later stage using my A level result.

At the same time, I found that my desire to explore the world became stronger and stronger as days passed by.  I am glad that both my sister and I are explorers. I remembered she went for a work and travel USA programme when she was in her university (she is 5 years older than me). As a younger sister, I decided to take the same path when I was 19. But to enroll into such programme requires a sum of money, and how sure was I that I could get the necessary return to cover my expenses? 

I started calculating my savings and the potential earnings, I remember during the job fair, I look at the places to go in the USA under this programme, and all I could remember was I went and look for the one that paid the most, and of course, the most exotic place, if possible, just so that I can learn to develop my survival skills without much help from people that I know. That was how I ended up working in Alaska. 

But how did I manage to collect such fund? I was lucky that since I was a kid, every year my mother would bring me to the bank to put all my red pocket money into the bank. Also, I became a tutor since I was 15, and everytime I got my allowance (from competitions/scholarship grants/pocket money that I received from the elders in the family), I always put them into the Bank. That, coupled with odd jobs that I worked from time to time, became my sources of fund that enabled me to work in the USA under work and travel programme at the age of 19.  

Those days, my daily allowance was about RM1.50 to RM2.00. I would then spend 30 cents on kek batik, my favourite dessert in the canteen with my schoolmates and save approximately RM1.00 ringgit a day. But, those days, in my eyes, I wasn't looking at it as a mere RM1.00. I was looking at the fact that I saved about 60% of my allowance a day. and, that's a lot! 

Of course, the bulk of my savings didn't come from the RM1.00 that I save every day, but the saving habit that I learnt since young helped me a lot at a later stage, when I started to earn more money, through tutoring, and promoting products. 

Save money, even when it's just RM1.00. It's not about the amount of money that you can save, but it is about the saving habit that you cultivate. 

Be commercial and practical 

Coming from a chinese family with business background, money has always been the most discussed topic, at least in my case (because I know I am not rich). When I decided to go to the States, I went for the induction programme and signed up for the programme without my dad's knowledge, because I knew that he would have stopped me and would give me a lot of negative words. I know, as much as I love him, I need to steer away from negative emotions when it comes to pursuing my dream in the midst of much uncertainties, hence the reluctance in revealing much information until a much later stage. As a result, of course, the first thing I heard from him was, (i) how could you get enough money to go? (ii) Why spent so much and risk losing all your money? Why don't you put them into my business instead?  Lastly, I remembered he scolded me for this "hello! USD is RM3.00 now, and you are still telling me that you can breakeven? Are you serious?!!!" 

When I faced those objections, first, I have anticipated them, so they weren't new and hence had not much effect on me. Secondly, I came up with my balance sheet and told him the exact plan on how I am going to make sure that I could reach the break even point by the time I am back. With that, my dad was more at ease, and I was able to go there with a peace of mind that things will be okay. 

No matter how big your dream is, be commercial and practical and make sure you still sustain enough capital to rise from the ashes. That gives you the calmness and security to navigate any hurdles or challenges that people or the environment will give you at a later stage.

Be persistent

Of course, after working in a firm for a few years, and starting to meet someone whom I like, my intention started to shake a little. Should I still pursue my dream or stay in my comfort zone? Of course, in the end I have decided to gather all possible courage and applied or Oxford. It was not an easy decision, but I persisted. I chose to ignore all my fear and moved to a place that I know I wanted to be. I have never looked back since.

Always remember your main goal and intention, and stay focused. 

Life. Twist. Relationship and Exploration

I do not have many ex-es in my life, partially because like any other town girl, I have always wanted a long lasting relationship in my life. I longed to marry the first person that I dated. Clearly, the word "ex" denotes that I did not manage marry the first person I dated. With hindsight, I guess I am glad that the experiences that I had shapes me into a better person now. Of course, it comes with scars and it's definitely harder for me to like someone easily now.

Anyway, I received a mail from my ex telling me that he misses me a lot, and he wished that I was his bride. I hope he will move on and will be able to obtain happiness from what he has at the moment, rather than dwindling on the past. I pray for his happiness as much as I pray for mine.

My life has been very interesting with so many twists and turns. Coincidentally, it is at this moment that I met this guy whom I would like to know more. It is so strange how my ex-es and my admirers started coming back/coming to me ever since I started dating him. He is definitely not one who belongs to my world, or has much in common with things that I do in my world, but these differences somehow drawn me nearer towards him. His life is so much more colourful as compared to mine, so artistic, and so interesting.

Yet, strange enough, it is also at this stage of life that I don't emphasise much on relationship and marriage. Instead, I am more inclined towards improving myself and make myself a much better person before I settle down with anyone. When I was so looking forward to marriage, life has its way to let me know that it was not the time to settle down, yet when I am all geared up to explore the world, life somehow finds its way to make me to be stuck in a dilemma. I guess, there's nothing much I can do at this stage. Hopefully, time will tell me what my decision will be.

Life. Twist. Relationship and Exploration.

Work

So, I have been working for more than a year now. Entering my 6th month as a qualified practising lawyer.

When I first joined the field, I thought I will be someone like this:-

I thought I would have time to join human rights movement, to be part of the bar council team who are out there to tell people what rights you have, and to fight for a cause.

As a young, naive and passionate lawyer, I joined the firm which is notoriously known as the firm from hell, simple because I wanted to challenge my limit, and to learn as much as I could. I used to go home at 6pm everyday when my fellow pupils were in the office working till midnight, and I felt guilty (or rather, lack of sense of belonging). As time passes, my workload increases, and I starts going home late, from 6pm to 10pm and to that occasional 4am. I thought that was normal and I kept telling myself that going home at 4am is not something that happens all the time.

Us, the pupils, at the Bar Pool Party

I had fun joining the events organised by the bar council, meeting people from the same field, mingling and networking. I started to realise that not all lawyers work like the people from my firm, but most, if not all, would have to compromise their life in the name of being a professional in this field. As a pupil, I was not aware of what I was entering into. All I knew was, life as a lawyer is fun. We work hard and we play hard as well.

My parents and I on my Call Day

Then, I was called to the bar and became an associate. I joined the finance and project department in my firm, a job that I always wanted to have, a job that combines law and finance, both subjects that I love.

I start working until late at night almost every night. From working till 8pm, till consistently 10pm, till 12am.. and that dreaded 3am. Working during the weekend is a norm, in fact, not having to work during weekend is unusual. I start forgetting how does it feel like to plan for a movie night, plan for a dinner with cousins or friends, or rather, I gave up in planning, simply because I normally end up having to skip the gathering or dinner in the end. Either that, or I will attend it with a panic face, which made my friends felt bad for keeping me there too.

Human rights? I will be glad if I have enough time to sleep.

However, the learning experience was fun, and is still fun for me so far. Everyday is a learning day for me. I thought I was able to hold on to this, until people start giving me unreasonable deadline. For example, telling me to prepare for a discussion the next morning when the client provides feedback at 10pm (err, don't I need to sleep?), telling me to complete the task NOW eventhough the review will come in much later and eventhough I have other tasks to attend to, giving me soft pressure by using my immediate boss's name as a shield and to even guilt-trip me when I go home at 8 (err, yes, it's 8pm and it's after working hour). I have no idea how to keep up with these forms of soft bullying, and unnecessary stress and I start waking up everyday hating my job. I guess, part and parcel of learning is to learn to stand up for myself and ignore these people. Humans are selfish afterall, and I experience it very well here.

Apart from all these, I need to find a valid reason (or, to put up a good argument) to get my holiday entitlements. If I am depressed and need personal time, I guess that would include me producing my depression certificate to my boss. All these in the name that I am a junior professional and I should be focusing on my career as a professional and not my entitlements like an ordinary employee. I guess, before I can talk about human rights, I need to learn to stand up for my own rights. Yet, that's the culture, a culture where even an employee has better entitlements than a professional.

My clients are nice to me though. I have diary and greeting cards from the bankers, phone calls telling me to go home, cake from client and many kind gestures and appreciation towards my works. I have very nice immediate boss who never fails to respond to my queries and contributes a lot to my development as a professional. I progress very much faster than my counterparts (or so I presume) and I look forward to what I will learn next all the time.

On top of all these, I have really good support group in the firm that keep me going (in which I shall explain in further details next time). But, I really wonder, how long more I can stay in this firm? How long more the perks and good things I have are good enough to overcome all the negativity that I receive from this firm? I wonder.

Life, is not just about works and deadlines. I can see my face becoming more and more jaded as days pass by. Gone were the days I soared high with my dreams, with that bright smile on my face and wrote about the new people I encountered, new adventures I conquered and that new places I explored.

Someday, I will be back to that adventurous me. At this moment, I shall seize and appreciate what I have and survive each passing days.

A letter to my sister

Dear sis,

I hate you for not letting me to read your books when I was young, for being so bossy and demanding, asking me to live out of my comfort zone, forcing me to grow up/pick up myself and to not even let me have own time ever since I am back from the UK! Of course, like any other typical Taurean, I bet I am one hell of a rebellious sister to you! haha. At times, you're like a sister from hell to me, but for all the time that we have had, I know that there is no other sister that I wish to have apart from you.

Now that you're gone, I miss you more than anyone else, and I cry everytime I thought of the moments that we shared. The tug-o-war that we always have when it comes to who should bear more responsibility, the pillow talk sessions that we have when we go to bed together, the problem-solving sessions, the nonsensical arguments down from something as small as a camera charger to our future paths or even seeking for a room to stay, the stories that you have for me everyday (you have such an interesting life!). Listening to you is an amusement on its own, not to mention, arguing with you is another pleasure! haha =) [Although, I have to say, I am always at the loser end, because I just can't bear looking at you being upset or angry at me for long]

You have been my idol, my muse, my pillar, and my light of guidance. I always look upon you as someone who is much more active than me, someone who is sociable, able to adapt to new situations well, bold and adventurous. On the other hand, I am timid, cold (not as sociable as you), fear of unknown, stable/boring, and rigid. I guess growing under your shadow make me become much more dependent and weak, because I know you're always there for me when I need an answer. I always turn to you when I have issue with anything (in fact, everything) in life, up from my education path, which firm to choose, whether I have done enough for the family, for my friends, to even which dress to pick! ( I have really horrible fashion sense!).

Of course, I hope I have been a good sister to you too, to offer you good guidance in your moments of darkness, to offer you smiles and optimism when you're feeling down, and to offer you supports when you need to make a bold change in your life.

It aches my heart that I can't help you as much as I wanted to with your wedding due to my work schedules. I remember that I handled every single thing for our brother's wedding, and yet I am not able to offer the same for you. At the end of day, I always ask myself whether I have been a good sister to you. I am not sure if I am the best sister one could ever have, but I hope you know that for you, I offer my best. =)

I guess, wedding is just a procedure, a rigid ceremony to celebrate your happiness with people who cares for you and whom you care for them too. One does not need an extravagant wedding, when the partner you have is one whom you wanted the most. I am glad that you have found Jamie, a guy who is passionate, loving, caring, and compatible with you in every manner. It was a very heart-warming wedding, and I am touched and happy to look at how much love and attention he has for you. I am very proud to have both of you as my sister and brother-in-law and your love story is one that I will always share with people around me.

I still remember when you first told me about him chasing after you, and I was there convincing you to move forward with this relationship. With hindsight, I think I probably would not do the same, especially now that I realized my encouragement has made me to not have you by my side anymore! ( I am just kidding! I will still do the same if I am given the chance to repeat the scenes and memory). We both know that it is not easy to find one whom we love and love us in return, and care for us as much as how our family care for us.

The wedding was a good trigger for me to have a good flashback on what we've gone through together in seeking for the right person for you. I still remember teaching you on how to flirt ( oh my god! silly days. I was very naive back then), getting books such as Women from Venus, Men from Mars (those useless books!), and even scrutinizing the guys around you (ahha! I want the best and nothing lesser than that for you). We both know that it wasn't a journey of roses and flowers for you, and because of that, looking at you and Jamie makes me so happy that it's as if I am the one who found my right partner! =)

I guess, like any other growing phase, a caterpillar has to grow into a butterfly and learn to fly on its own. As much as I hope to continue slacking and growing under your shelter, I have to learn the fact that it is time for me to spread my wing and learn to carve my own path without you by my side. To learn to make my own decision without consulting you or anyone, to be bold in chasing after my dream, and to be as adventurous as how I want to be. I will miss you a lot, and will always reminisce the good moments we have.

I am looking forward to see you in the States, and to see my beautiful nephews and nieces. Till then, please take good care of yourself and stay happy! =) You have always been the adventurous, sweet and funny/friendly girl that everyone likes and I am sure you will continue living the same good life there! =)

Love you much.

Hugs,
Your baby sis.

The Art of Letting Go

How many of us would be willing to let go of everything that we have when we have reached our peak?

Not many.

One of the main differences between Asian business culture and Western business culture is that  Asian businesses are mainly handled by one huge family whereas Western businesses are handled by huge organizations. This is the reason why Asian businesses do not survive very long as compared to Western businesses. Most Asians would prefer their children to take over their businesses, and hopes that they will continue the same business ethics and cultures. Some children may enjoy taking over the businesses, but for most of them, they find it a huge burden and they are not able to find their own passions.

Assuming they can do this to their 2nd generation, what are the odds that the 3rd generation will take over the business as well?

On the other hand, The Westerners would prefer to sell their businesses off and create trust funds for their children. Some of the 2nd generation fail to appreciate the wealth, and became poorer than their parents; for most, they are able to create their own wealth with their passion and financial help given by their parents.
Most importantly, the business prevails over decades, that is why we are still able to drink Heineken, smoke American Tobacco cigarettes, and even have LV, Chanel, Burberry and Gucci for so long.

So, which is better, to let go, or to persist? =)

It is definitely not easy to let go of something that we want to pursue, or something that we have practiced for long. After all, human is a creature of habit. But well, when something is rotten, it is better to let it go than to brew a recipe of disaster. It's better to let go at its peak, than to let it go at its worst.

Let go of what you think you know, only then you will be able to learn what you do not know. =)

BPTC 学到了什么

在BPTC的学习生涯里，除了知识之外， 学到了什么呢？让我在这儿好好畅谈吧。

1. 口德：          别人不好的需绝口不提；别人好的只能对其他人提；自己的需隐藏得体。
                          也别什么都说给别人听，留给自己一点点的神秘感吧。 =）

2. 肢体语言：  永远选择做个淑女， 温婉尔雅即可。 无需大吵大闹，也无需用肢体语言
　　　　　　  来期待别人的了解。女人嘛，就是太复杂了。

3. 自己：          永远记得自己的本质。 无需为了融入一个圈子而改变自己。 也无需为了
                          别人讲的话而耿耿于怀。自己做好本分就行了。别人说什么， 其他人都
                          有自己的眼睛看的。

4. 善心：         是留给真正有需要的人。不要把自己的热脸贴在别人的冷屁股上。

5. 朋友：         淡淡之交就好。 尤其是同行的朋友，需学会不提私事。 你永远不知道别
                         人是以什么心态和你交友。 如果是真心的， 肯定会日久见人心。

6. 谣言：         听听就好。 若是关于其他人的，听了也别告诉别人，忘了它吧；若是
                         关于自己的，听了就一笑带过吧； 别人看了没趣，也让自己有个透气
                         的空间。

7. 思想：        别人的思想，可笑的；幼稚的；听了就算了。别想要太热心，别人会以为
                       你别有居心，或在炫耀自己的得意呢。　

8. 嫉妒：       别人对自己好，双方心知肚明就好。可别到处称赞他。 一来，招来无谓的
                       嫉妒，二来也让他难下台。

9. 快乐：　  是自己的。别让别人影响自己的快乐。因为其他人的所作所为，而搞得自
                     己闷闷不乐会伤了自己，也让他人得逞。自个儿种个花，弹下琴，快乐
                      多了；心情开朗，也招来福气。

希望这一年我所学的，能帮助我在以后的日子里更加懂得面对人世百态 =）

Hostels in Europe

Are Awesomeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! =)  It costs us about 10-15 euro a night, and sometimes we can get a private room for 2 with that price. We get to talk to the travellers and hosts, and know more about the local culture too! =)




 Here's the kitchen. nice right? =)

 Automated shower room! How cool is that!

 We stayed in a dorm in Prague with 5 beds for only 9 euros a night I think! It comes with a shower room with automated lights, and nice kitchen!

 This is our private room in Budapest. Spacious and nice. Not to mention, nice breakfast and brewed coffee to greet us every morning. Too bad I did not manage to try the coffee before I left the hostel.

 The shower room, with bath tub and very interesting heating sytem.

 Hostel Shappy comes with a digital key pass, and air-conditioned room for travellers. Good choice! =)

The dorm looks good right! =) Very comfy and spacious. did not want to wake up from my bed =) 

Hostels offer more varieties and surprises for travellers, not to mention, it is much cheaper too. So pack your bag, and start backpacking! =) 

PS: Remember to do research beforehand though =)