Work

So, I have been working for more than a year now. Entering my 6th month as a qualified practising lawyer.

When I first joined the field, I thought I will be someone like this:-

I thought I would have time to join human rights movement, to be part of the bar council team who are out there to tell people what rights you have, and to fight for a cause.

As a young, naive and passionate lawyer, I joined the firm which is notoriously known as the firm from hell, simple because I wanted to challenge my limit, and to learn as much as I could. I used to go home at 6pm everyday when my fellow pupils were in the office working till midnight, and I felt guilty (or rather, lack of sense of belonging). As time passes, my workload increases, and I starts going home late, from 6pm to 10pm and to that occasional 4am. I thought that was normal and I kept telling myself that going home at 4am is not something that happens all the time.

Us, the pupils, at the Bar Pool Party

I had fun joining the events organised by the bar council, meeting people from the same field, mingling and networking. I started to realise that not all lawyers work like the people from my firm, but most, if not all, would have to compromise their life in the name of being a professional in this field. As a pupil, I was not aware of what I was entering into. All I knew was, life as a lawyer is fun. We work hard and we play hard as well.

My parents and I on my Call Day

Then, I was called to the bar and became an associate. I joined the finance and project department in my firm, a job that I always wanted to have, a job that combines law and finance, both subjects that I love.

I start working until late at night almost every night. From working till 8pm, till consistently 10pm, till 12am.. and that dreaded 3am. Working during the weekend is a norm, in fact, not having to work during weekend is unusual. I start forgetting how does it feel like to plan for a movie night, plan for a dinner with cousins or friends, or rather, I gave up in planning, simply because I normally end up having to skip the gathering or dinner in the end. Either that, or I will attend it with a panic face, which made my friends felt bad for keeping me there too.

Human rights? I will be glad if I have enough time to sleep.

However, the learning experience was fun, and is still fun for me so far. Everyday is a learning day for me. I thought I was able to hold on to this, until people start giving me unreasonable deadline. For example, telling me to prepare for a discussion the next morning when the client provides feedback at 10pm (err, don't I need to sleep?), telling me to complete the task NOW eventhough the review will come in much later and eventhough I have other tasks to attend to, giving me soft pressure by using my immediate boss's name as a shield and to even guilt-trip me when I go home at 8 (err, yes, it's 8pm and it's after working hour). I have no idea how to keep up with these forms of soft bullying, and unnecessary stress and I start waking up everyday hating my job. I guess, part and parcel of learning is to learn to stand up for myself and ignore these people. Humans are selfish afterall, and I experience it very well here.

Apart from all these, I need to find a valid reason (or, to put up a good argument) to get my holiday entitlements. If I am depressed and need personal time, I guess that would include me producing my depression certificate to my boss. All these in the name that I am a junior professional and I should be focusing on my career as a professional and not my entitlements like an ordinary employee. I guess, before I can talk about human rights, I need to learn to stand up for my own rights. Yet, that's the culture, a culture where even an employee has better entitlements than a professional.

My clients are nice to me though. I have diary and greeting cards from the bankers, phone calls telling me to go home, cake from client and many kind gestures and appreciation towards my works. I have very nice immediate boss who never fails to respond to my queries and contributes a lot to my development as a professional. I progress very much faster than my counterparts (or so I presume) and I look forward to what I will learn next all the time.

On top of all these, I have really good support group in the firm that keep me going (in which I shall explain in further details next time). But, I really wonder, how long more I can stay in this firm? How long more the perks and good things I have are good enough to overcome all the negativity that I receive from this firm? I wonder.

Life, is not just about works and deadlines. I can see my face becoming more and more jaded as days pass by. Gone were the days I soared high with my dreams, with that bright smile on my face and wrote about the new people I encountered, new adventures I conquered and that new places I explored.

Someday, I will be back to that adventurous me. At this moment, I shall seize and appreciate what I have and survive each passing days.