Of cheating and affairs

Men cannot eat kangkung everyday. That's the ugly truth. Just like a cat, When there's a fish swimming in front of them, they will pounce on the fish and answer their instincts, no matter how gentlemen they appear to be.

Of course, there are men out there who can control their instincts because of love and commitments. I admire these men and I respect them for who they are. After all, it is always harder to control than to give in. I think, the value of a man lies not in how many women he has slept, but how many women he has resisted/rejected for the one he loves. Same as a woman, the value of a woman lies not on how good she is in bed, but how much she can control her instinct/resist pressure for that one man in her life. Cheating is getting common these days. For girls, what you can do is to empower yourself, and not put yourself as a victim to this unfortunate consequence.

It has been a stereotype that usually the girlfriend is the victim and the third party is the slut. The truth is, a third party can be a victim as well. Afterall, a relationship is a reciprocal interaction. It is rare that a girl will actively  attract a man who has another girl by his side, unless she was misled/ unaware of it. [ and of course, usually it is the man who actively seeks for the attentions and enjoy being at the receiving end. ]

So, for the girlfriend, if your man cheats on you, don't point the arrow to the third party straight away, because it may be your man who seeks for the girl's attention at the first place or perhaps, he lies to the third party and mislead her into believing that you're no longer the girl he wants. 

I hope you will know that when a man truly loves/wants you, he will have only you in his eyes/mind, and he will stop wandering around. He will avoid those opportunities by being cautious with his words towards ladies, by mentioning your name all the time, and proclaiming his love for you. But if he doesn't, then you should watch out. Never ever allow them to use excuses such as "I need personal space" or "I am a chauvinistic man, take it or leave it" to manipulate your mind. So, if you happen to bump into this kind of man, no matter how much you love him, I hope you will choose the word "leave it". Say is easier than done, so, I shall leave the choice in your hand. But, from time to time, I hope you will know that your happiness lies in your hand. No one can decide what's good for you other than you yourself. 

Sometimes, it is your silence tolerance and sweet compromise/understanding that encourage him to cheat on you. You may be stupid enough to continue loving him, but do not be idiot enough to trust him completely. 

For the unfortunate third parties [ I meant, those who are the victims of circumstances, and not those who actively become a bitch] I have learned that there're tonnes of fishermen out there fishing for love and attention. You may wonder what is a fisher@ fisherman. This is a term specifically used for guys ( in a relationship or married) who will diversify their attentions to various girls (ie, sending out baits) and hoping for any of them to take up the bait. From time to time, girls will fall for the trick. The unfortunate ones, will end up being wounded and hurt. If you're the unfortunate ones, I hope you know that you're not the only ones who had this experiences. There are tonnes of girls out there who suffered the same. For these girls, I hope you will treat this as a life experience, and learn from your mistake. In any event, I hope you will stand up and tell the world that you're the victim, and not the predator. End of the day, you have to learn to be empowered and stand up for yourself. 

If you're unfortunate enough to got yourself trapped by a fisherman, and by circumstances, he has turned you from a nice human to a half-dead fish, do not fret, for one day, when you have fully recovered from your wound, you would be a beautiful mermaid,  for you have one beautiful soul which has survived from a bad experience.

End of the day, as a girl, always trust your instinct. You will know when a man still have feeling for you or not. When he wants to cheat, there's nothing to stop him and it can be rather impossible to track. What you can do, is pray. Pray that you will not bump into one of these people.

Always remember one more thing as well, guys treat women as investments. So same rule should apply to women as well. No matter how much you love this person, do not put 100% into the relationship. They appreciate challenges ( if they really love you) . I mean challenges in providing you security, recognition and protection, and not those unreasonable demands [girls, be nice to those real nice guys out there k]. So, learn to let them fight for your love. Do not put yourself in a position where you can't withdraw from the relationship because you've invested or sacrificed too much. Only put in to the extent where you can afford to lose it. Of course, say is easier than done, I just hope that you will always learn to exert control, and in the event that you've put in too much, just treat it as a beautiful scar/learning process rather than keep dwelling on the past. Afterall, I am sure you both have had beautiful memories together. 

For those men who want to cheat, my only advice is this, don't cheat. Period.

I know, I have no right to preach on this. Afterall, I have bumped into failures in my past relationship and I aint a perfect person who have committed no mistake before. I loved passionately, and I fell deeply. Sometimes, I'll ask God why did he give me such a test. Why did God pick me and made me suffer. I hope I will be able to find out the answer someday. 

Every girl is an angel. You may have became a fallen angel because of the wounds inflicted on you, but  never let that stop you from loving someone who truly deserves you.